If your child is gay and you're feeling lost and angry, this is for you.
So, your child really needs these 3 things from you.
1. Acceptance & Understanding
Love starts from home. The love from home, from parents, is unlike any other kind of love that can be found anywhere else. Because it is unconditional. And it’s the best kind of love that your child needs. If your child cannot get any love and acceptance from home, how do you expect him or her to find love and acceptance anywhere else? Any kind of love and acceptance is different from the love and acceptance you will ever get from your parents.
We cannot choose and dictate how things turn out. But we can choose the way we react to them. Instead of being angry that things don’t turn out the way we want them to, we can still choose to love. Being angry and hateful will only make your relationship with your child sour. You wouldn’t want your child to suffer in silence and keep everything from you. Whether or not your child is the “right” child, you can still love. Because nothing should be able to replace this relationship and bond between parent and child.
3. Your Encouragement and Support
Say things like :
“ if you’re happy, Mummy will be happy. “
“Do whatever makes you happy. “
“Mum is proud of you.”
“Be whoever you want to be, you’re still my child and I will love you the same.”
These would mean everything to your child. Your child is probably not going to fit in very nicely in society. They might have to hide their sexuality. And for someone like me (a girl who looks like a boy), I can’t really hide and I am almost a misfit everywhere I go. In schools (except the all-girls school I attended), in toilets, in the workplace, in shopping departments, in fitting rooms, at family gatherings. I just don’t fit in. I will always be a minority and will always be frowned upon, or so I think.
I have never told my mom or anyone what I have to go through because I know it will hurt her more than it hurt me. These don’t affect me anymore now that I’m older. But if your child is younger, not being able to fit in is a big deal to them.
Your child needs to know that you’ve always got their back and will stand up for them no matter what they’re going through.
Parenting is not an easy path, neither is being gay. Most experiences that we go through are first-time experiences and we’re all still figuring out. I know it’s difficult for my Mom to accept a daughter who is “different”. I know it’s difficult for her that I didn’t turn out the way that she expected. But I guess, she learnt along the way that deep down, I’m the same person. It doesn’t matter who I’m attracted to, or how I look or dress. I am still the same daughter that she would have if I were straight.
Don’t ever give up on your child. Because your child won’t give up on you too. Your child is still striving to be the best child to you.